she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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