I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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