Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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