Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We need a shit load of segways right now
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
