dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
