did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
