is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
