i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
