phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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