I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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