Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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