According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
