soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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