I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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