watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Shame - the story of my life.
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