Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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