Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
