Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
