thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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