I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm passing your future prison.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
