I want to make a zoo with you.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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