am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
