K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
