I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
