I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
