We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
