Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
