just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
