i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
