These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
