I accidentally burped into my bong.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
