Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
COCAINE IS GR8
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
