Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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