We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize