ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
