Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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