So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
