So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
