So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
