my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
