lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Randomize
