I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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