Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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