There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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