He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
