We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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