I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
