I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
