I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
