I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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